As America Decides… Tolu Ogunlesi

As America Decides... Tolu Ogunlesi

Who are you supporting for the US presidential election?

Who else?Donald Trump of course!

You dey craze? Why?

Because America needs him.


Yes. America needs to learn.

Learn what?

That you cannot take leadership for granted. Hubris is what their problem is, God knows. Because you’re the greatest country in the world you think you can just ‘be doing anyhow’, as if no matter who you vote for, America can never fall.

But you know that The Donald is an entertaining character. You have to admit that.

Yes, we’re saying the same thing. They need someone that will not only give them entertainment, but will also turn them into entertainment.

Besides, who wants to be stuck with a boring president for four or eight years?

Issokay. Let America elect him. I’m all for it. We’re saying the same thing.

But now that he’s lost Iowa, isn’t that the beginning of his demystification?

God forbid! I’m earnestly praying for him. America truly needs The Donald. I’m not kidding.

So let’s assume that he goes on to take the Republican ticket,you think he can defeat Hillary?

In a free and fair election he will defeat Hillary. The question is will America have a free and fair election?

Are you crazy or something? Do you think America is like Nigeria?

Leave matter for Mathias. You don’t know anything. Have you forgotten what happened in 2000,that it was the Supreme Court that eventually decided the presidency after much rigging had taken place?

I’m convinced now that you don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re calling what happened in Florida rigging? So what would you call what we do here in Naija?

At least we’re open about it. The Americans will never admit their flaws. We don’t go about ‘forming’ self-righteousness. We have embraced our imperfections. America will refuse to accept theirs and go about acting like the conscience of the planet.

Hm, what has America done to you? Dem deny you visa? Why you dey vex?

Dem fit? I have a ten-year visa. I can come and go however I want. Every visa application I’ve ever done in my life has clicked, back to back.

So why are you so angry? I dare you to post all this ranting on Facebook. America will revoke your visa faster than you can say ‘Naplayo’.

So I should be afraid that they will revoke my visa? What’s in that country sef? What is special about it? Tell me. You need to abandon this colonial mentality.

You’re speaking ‘grammar’. Let them revoke the visa first. Then you will know as e dey do person.

Look here, you know that when The Donaldwins they will collect all our visas,so we might as well start preparing for that. How many years is your visa?

Two years, expiring in a few months. I’ll have to renew it soon.

Don’t bother. Under President Trump your feet will not touch American soil. You want to bet? They will collect your American visa and replace it with a Mexican one.

God forbid! Mexico for what? So that ElChapo will use my skull to smuggle cocaine?

Just be looking. It will do you like film trick. From Mexico, those who are lucky may be able to scale the fence into America. But if they catch you, your deportation won’t be to Lagos, it will be to Guantanamo.

You’re too pessimistic my friend. By God’s special grace, Hillary Clinton will be the next President of the United States and the borders will remain open to all of us friends and well-wishers.

Leave God out of this, please. I won’t argue with you any longer. Let’s just watch, America will choose Trump. Don’t forget that all empires have expiry dates. Where’s the Ottoman Empire? Where is the Roman Empire? Where is the British Empire over which it was said that the sun never sets? Answer me! The time has come for the American Empire to give way to the next and Donald Trump is the best man to preside over its inevitable demise, so help him God.

Let me try to humour you in your foolishness. The post-American Empire you say will rule the world,na China?

Why you no suggest Nigeria? Shebi you believe in God? And by extension you must believe in miracles, yes?

The Interview Editors

Written by The Interview Editors

The Interview is a niche publication, targeting leaders and aspiring leaders in business, politics, entertainment, sports, arts, the professions and others within society’s upper middle class and high-end segment in Nigeria.